Jeremy LaLonde
So you’ve decided to become plant-based/vegan/whatever-you-want-to-call-it and you’re about to tell other people about it in social settings. Or maybe they already know and this is your first time getting together for an actual meal. OR you’ve been eating this way for years and sick and tired of all the nonsense you have to deal with… well… however you slice it this article will help you navigate how to eat plant-based amongst meat eaters.
Even when I started simply being a pescatarian almost fifteen years ago it was a major shift for my family to accept. I grew up in a small town where we ate a pretty standard diet of meat, salt, fat, and sugar. You know, stuff that tastes super good when you’re used to eating that way.
I come from a big family with lots of cousins and aunts and uncles and get-togethers were often and a lot of fun. And they’re awesome, they really are. When they knew I was making a shift they always tried to have something for us to eat – and at that time my wife and I were still eating dairy so it wasn’t that big of a shift. But even then it was a challenge – and I know there were times where I got judgemental about it. Fifteen years later – and a waaaaay more different eating style than what my extended family does – I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about it and have come up with a bit of a survival guide for you.
Don’t Judge Them
Look – your family (and friends) love you (I hope). They care about you, but chances are that they are ignorant as-all-get-out when it comes to health. They know what they know and they’re happy. The worst thing you can do is show up and be all high and mighty about the way you eat over them. If you make it a You Vs Them thing no one ever wins. It’s just mean and gross. That’s not how to eat plant-based amongst meat eaters!
Family & Friends Have Traditions
You have to keep in mind that so many traditions and memories in families centre around food. The food that your grandparents made you, or still make, etc… so it can be heart breaking for them to learn that you’re not going to enjoy it with them. They might even be insulted and not understand why you “can’t make an exception just this once.” It’s enough that you’re not going to eat it, do not make them feel bad about their choice TO eat it. You do you. Don’t come in preaching about how evolved you are – be humble and silent and fly under the radar and set your focus to the enjoyment of spending time together.
If the food thing is a HUGE issue maybe try to come up with some traditions for your family that aren’t based around what you put in your mouth. A big family walk, games, whatever they and you like. Be creative. So much focus is put on food but family is about way more than that. Don’t let your get-togethers get messed up over the fuel you put into your bodies. If you find they’re harping on it/you then just shift the conversation – ask about them and their lives. People love to talk about themselves. Avoid any conversations about your lifestyle choices if you think they’re trying to build a case against you. If it’s not positive, shift it to something that can be.
Let them Ask Questions (and try to know the answers)
If your family is generally curious about what you’re up to, one of the best ways to learn how to eat plant-based amongst meat eaters is to let them ask questions. It’s a good thing. There’s sometimes a mixture of curious and concerned and it means they care. But it’s up to you to know the answers otherwise they’re going to think you went into this without thinking it through.
Hopefully you’ve made these choices for a reason and done some research, but if not here some primers for common questions you’re probably going to get asked below. First and foremost – I find not talking about it at all can sometimes be the easiest – let them come to you. Be open – try your best not to be snarky or uppity about it.
Family/Friends Q&A Primer:
Where do you get your protein/calcium/whatever-nutrient?
Suddenly your family is going to think they’ve got a degree in nutrition for some reason. Some one in your life is going to ask you this question (more than once). You need to be able to speak to this. Most meat eaters just think about their own plate and take the giant hunk of meat off of it and imagine that that’s what you eat. It’s not their fault. They don’t know any better. It’s you job to learn how to eat plant-based amongst meat eaters, not the other way around.
So how do you answer this? You can be a smart ass and just turn it around and ask, “Where do you get your fibre?” since animals don’t have any… But here’s the real answer: I get it from food. Seriously. All the nutrients you need are in plant food. Sure protein is in beans, etc… but it’s also in vegetables in large doses.
One of your smarter relatives will probably bring up B-12 – and YES – you do need to supplement that. But guess what? B-12 isn’t an animal product. It’s made by bacteria – and the person asking you that question is also probably deficient in B-12 (40% of North America is) and doesn’t know it. Or it’s being supplemented into the animal that they’re eating. We used to get it naturally from dirt on vegetables, but now we clean our food before we eat it. So if someone asks you about your B-12 – ask them how they did on their last B-12 reading – they probably have never checked it and assumed they’re fine. They likely aren’t.
Humans need some kind of animal product to survive, don’t they?
No. They don’t. As mentioned above there’s no magical nutrient that we’re missing that we can’t get easily from a plant or over-the-counter-supplement. Eating animals to get B-12 is no different from taking it through a supplement because it doesn’t exist naturally in animals. Your supplement is in pill form – theirs is in meat.
What are you allowed to eat?
So many things. You can list your meals for them, they might actually be curious about it. Say that you don’t focus on the things you don’t eat anymore, but the things you enjoy eating. They’re going to say stuff like, “But bacon is delicious! Don’t you miss it?!” And you can smile and say, “I’m glad you dig it. I have other things I dig and that’s cool. I’m not punishing myself by not eating whatever-it-is-they-couldnt-possible-live-without.”
We’ve always eaten meat – it’s natural!
I mean, sure, if you want to go back far enough and talk about all the things that humans did that was “natural” then you’re going to have to include a lot of really uncomfortable and terrible things – we did a whole lot of things back in the day that history doesn’t look too fondly upon. You also didn’t ride a horse and wagon to get to your uncle’s house I bet. You used a more modern approach. We don’t live back in that time anymore. We’ve evolved. You don’t need to eat animals to survive in the world we live in, that’s the bottom line. There’s still a lot of people who grew up in a world where everyone smoked and thought that was natural too. We’ve come a long way. High-five human race!
It’s too expensive to be vegan!
Rice and beans are the cheapest foods on the planet. In fact the poorest people in the world eat pretty much a plant-based diet with the occasional meat for celebration. The Palaeolithic people (for which the paleo diet is named) were not primarily meat eaters. They didn’t have a non-stop source of meat. It was hard to get and they ate is sparingly and in small doses – most of their diet was plant food ‘cause it has always has been in abundance and has the added value of you not having to chase it down and stab it to death before you can cook and eat it.
I can’t stop eating animal products – I would miss (whatever-it-is) too much!
This is one you can just smile and nod through. Or say that you thought you’d miss it too, but you don’t. It’s personal preference, really. You’re good with not eating it – or maybe you’ve found a plant based substitute that does the trick for you. Again, people who make judgements about the way we eat are often just ignorant. They know what they know. Teach them a little – but in a not-nasty-way.
Animals kill other animals!
Yup. And they do other unspeakable things to each other too. And those are animals that are carnivorous. Humans are omnivores. We don’t have the same digestive systems or biology as most animals, particularly the ones who commit murder on the reg. Different species need different things to survive. Some of the biggest, strongest animals on the planet don’t eat other animals. I’m looking at you Elephants, Gorillas, Rhinos, and Horses!
Don’t you know that plants have feelings too?
With what central-nervous-system do plants have feelings? Just because they’re “alive” and can react to stimulants doesn’t mean there’s much else going on there. Stab a plant – listen closely to hear if you think it can feel pain. Now stab an animal – I bet you’re going to get a much different reaction (please don’t stab an animal). Next time a meat-eater throws this at you ask them if they’d rather go apple picking to get their own fruit or a slaughter house to kill their their own animals? Which would they take their kids to on a family outing? If they’re comfortable doing both then more power to them!
What do you eat when you go out?
Well… depending where you live this answer will change – but I don’t know if your friends and family have noticed but pretty much every major fast food chain has realized that there’s money to be made in plant-based options so it’s actually easy to eat this way when you’re on the run. But also – people who eat the way we do tend to do research before we go somewhere and we don’t eat where we won’t have options. Or we pack our own. It’s not that hard to get comfortable with how to eat plant-based amongst meat eaters!
Bring Your Own Food
This is a big one that we finally just accepted. Your aunt or uncle or cousin is going to want to include you, but if you let them cook for you there’s a very high chance that they are going to screw it up. They are not going to mean to, but they will. They won’t realize that milk or cheese or eggs or whatever is included in the things that you don’t eat. Animal products are so ingrained in people that sometimes they don’t even consider them animal products. It’s not their fault.
And so the best way for you to end up eating only side dishes (if they aren’t slathered in butter, etc…) is to put your meal in someone else’s hands. Just bring your own food. Enough for all your courses. And enjoy it in silence. They’re already going to judge you for not eating their food, you don’t need to make a spectacle out of yours. That is not how to eat plant-based amongst meat eaters!
That said: bring way more food than you need. Your family is probably going to be awesome and curious and they’re going to want to try yours. My wife and I used to joke that when we went to a party everyone wanted to “sample the plant-based pizza” and often the plant-based people never got any because the carnivores ate it all as their “side dish”. The same can happen here. Assume people will want to try your food – and if they don’t then you’ve got left-overs! It’s a win-win, really!
And if there’s a favourite meal you love at a particular holiday then make a version of it that you can eat. I promise you that there are enough plant-based food nerds out there that someone has tried to make a version of your favourite meaty meal and posted it on their food blog. Hey – maybe it’s even on this one!
Cheat a little (if you want)
Last but not least – it’s the holidays. If you really want to dip away from your lifestyle for a meal or two then just do it. There’s no plant-based-police that are going to kick the door down and haul you away. Just go right back to it the next meal. But do it because you want to do it, not because it’s easier for your family or because you’re feeling pressured.
Advocate for yourself and if it’s genuinely your choice to take a vacation from the way you eat then just do it and own it and be okay with it. Healthier eating is about the long-game, not the short one. A few meals here and there aren’t going to derail you. Just get back to your usual way of eating on the next meal.
But if it’s been awhile since you’ve indulged this way just remember that your body may not respond well. Six months after I went plant-based I had a cookie that was just loaded with butter. It didn’t stay inside me all that long… And if someone gives me something with beef broth I know within thirty-minutes. I won’t go into more detail on why that is….
The Bottom Line
Holidays and family and friends can be stressful – and it’s usually because there’s some weird unspoken competition going on – passive-aggressiveness and whatnot can run rampant in families. Make the choice to keep it positive. Engage in conversation when people are genuinely curious, otherwise shut-up about it. No one wants to be lectured about how much better your lifestyle is than theres. Do not preach to your family about how your way of eating is better than theirs. Let your aunt ask you if you’ve ever heard about the documentary or book that you’ve probably already read or watched a long time ago and that they recently discovered and thought you’d like – enjoy that they are curious and trying to connect with you.
If you have the right attitude it’s now so much about how to eat plant-based amongst meat eaters. It’s about being with others. Enjoy your family and friends, even if they drive you crazy a little, it’s part of the challenge of life. Who knows, you might rub off on them even… It’s taken awhile but hardly a day goes by where one of them doesn’t message me asking for a recipe or food ideas or thoughts. For a sampling, some of the meals I’ve made that are favourites no matter how people normally eat include: Taco Soup, Tofu Nuggets, and my Chocolate Tart (just to name but a few of the many!)
But the main thing is: Keep it positive.
*memes taken from boredpanda.com
